When we were together I needed to always touch him hold his hand lay on his chest
He gave me anxiety
When we were apart I needed to always hear him know where he was and who he was with
So many nights spent laughing loving together
so many more spent crying alone
I gave him my heart I gave him my body I would have given him everything I did give him everything
He cheated He lied and still he loved me and stupidly, I still loved him
I walked away he broke me finally I walked away carrying the pieces of my heart In my young hands
He got engaged (to the girl he cheated on me with)
I moved out of this country and across the world
I patched up my broken heart It took a long time and a few one-night stands there were pieces still missing and scars where the cracks were glued but I understood this heart much better than before when it was whole
Now I'm with my new love
When we are together We cuddle We read We watch movies
When we are apart We send each other updates and tell each other I miss you I love you
I don't always get butterflies but I never have anxiety
Almost every night we laugh and love
and when I rarely cry I'm not alone and he holds me and says he's sorry or I say I'm sorry
He fills the holes that were left behind and my scars are nearly faded
But sometimes I think back to my first love my young love my innocent love
And although my first love at times felt like magic buzzing bees and hot electricity running through my veins
my new love feels like warm cookies a sweater on a crisp day sunshine in the cool wind and home And I know that this is better.