you know me; everyone knows me i am the social, friendly, well-known girl. i am friends with everyone, i compliment every girl i see, i smile at everyone i make eye contact with. i am always smiling, laughing, talking, dancing. i live to make others laugh i worry for everyone else's safety before i think about mine i am in every friend group i know every person in the halls i deflect and laugh when people ask about me i am always the first to reach out i smile when i am angry i laugh when i am sad i am the ******* sun when i am happy
but i am also the girl who cries because she doesn't have any real friends i starve and enjoy feeling hungry i binge and stick my fingers down my throat i stare in the mirror for too long and try everything to fix myself i look at every girl in the lunch line and take note of: what i should and shouldn't have what i need to change and keep i brush my hair obsessively i look in every single reflection i go to sleep late and wake up the same way i smile when it is the last thing i want to do i laugh even though i am revolted by the sound i drink water like it is the new Coke i chew gum until the flavor is long gone i obsess over anything i can because i live off of distractions ******* in my stomach is muscle memory and "i'm great, how are you?" is my catchphrase