Suffocating
The one word that describes me
When people say
Slums
Ghetto
Those are my thoughts
Fighting every second
For the right to come out of my mouth
Their jailer
Watching their struggles in cruel fascination

My mind is a battlefield
No scratch that THE battlefield
If I'm angry it's my mind
If I'm sad it's my mind
Is this normal
My thoughts raging
Screaming
For a chance to be released
Am I normal?

That's not for you to answer
I already know what u think
You see me
You think smart kid
You think quiet kid
You think normal

But none
None of you are aware of the world war 3
Inside of me
Sometimes I feel their bombs
I feel the chaos
The struggle
the pain
When I speak of these things
You claim they're headaches
Now I'm on so many meds
I can't feel a thing
Sometimes
I shout back
Getting a moment of silence
But then the memories
Oh God the memories
My mistakes
All my falls from grace
Dumb things I've tried to do
I can't deal with them
So I leave them be
My thoughts that is

All I want is silence
Pure undefiled silence
But I can't get that
I look at the jailer
He looks back
Reminding me of the abyss that is my heart
I have lived my whole life like this
In this perpetual state of detachment
Of seeing life but not living it
Wishing that one day I'll understand
Why people smile
Why they jump with joy
And why
I seem to be the only one trying to live
And why
My struggles seem to be surreal

And one last thing as I get down from this stage
I saw the jailer's face...
It was me
I'm the one causing these thoughts
I'm the one wishing for them to die
A creator trying to **** his own creation
Very philosophical in a sense
But here's to hoping that I'll understand
Eventually.