Christmas Cheer

I can't believe what I just saw,
so surreal it put me in awe.
Of course, I can't tell you what it was,
it would **** your ongoing buzz.
I was bewildered and dumbfounded,
at the same time confused and astounded.
All I can say is please beware,
nothing will ever compare.
I took an oath an sworn to secrecy,
it's a theory of conspiracy.
They put me in witness protection,
wish I could tell you in what direction.
When it happened, I couldn't even scream,
I figured it was just a bad dream.
I just can't go on living this way,
my life is in total dismay.
People always guarding my door,
I liked the life I had before.
Always wondering when and where,
tonight there is something in the air.
Tired of living a life of hiding,
going back home is what I'm deciding.
Packed my bags and rented a U Haul,
no more being behind the eight ball.
What I'm about to tell you is the truth,
I saw mommy kissing Santa in a telephone booth.
Killer elf's started to chase me,
I wish they would let me be.
The institution told me, there was no such thing as Santa,
it was just my dad dressed in a red suited pajama.
I killed who I thought was Kris Kringle,
it sure makes one hell of a holiday jingle.
Witness protection was just an insane asylum,
they told me it was a deserted island.
Son kills dad cause he was naive,
walking past a telephone booth one Christmas Eve.
My mom then got run over by a reindeer,
I hated my parent, this turned out to be a good year.