i think i was born with my head in my hands or my stomach in knots or my shoes untied. i got sober before i turned 16 ; i sat with some largeness ; vacant cities living in between my ribs encasing fragments of things i can't remember for one reason or another. i mistake hunger for holiness i recite catholic hymns while i brush my teeth . how do i sleep in a warm bed knowing of the red wine stains on my sheets . how do i ignore the twists in my intestines how do i die without makeup on.. it feels like i never know anything these days.