i could sit here and curse you
but it wouldn't be honest
held on to us so tight
that when you left me i lost it
and when i fell in the spiral
you watched as i circled away
with the tears and reasons
then plugged up the drain
so i sit in my darkness
alone for the first time since we met
and i oscillate between emotions
anger sadness regret
stuck in a cycle
of wanting to return to what's safe
then remembering that now
it could never be the same
so i sit in the black hole
that was once us
and choke on my tongue
burn it with love
a word i don't think i know
enough to have used it so freely
that's why i'm thrashing around
as the last of it leaves me

and i know it's not the end of the world
but i'm hyperventilating and my vision is cracked
i'm too young to feel so chewed up
yet everything fades to black
almost died for something i never had
and i cry as i spread my brother's ash
i'm not special and i know that
the world is gonna get a whole lot smaller
before it's get bigger and i know that
and i know i've still got so much to learn

i could sit here and curse you
but it wouldn't be right
i'm valid in my pain
but it's no reason to fight
cause i'll never be proud
of making do than doing well
and hating you with all my soul
won't make me love myself
in this time of fortitude
i want to do more than cling to my weapons
being brave doesn't mean 'winning'
maybe letting go is the best lesson