It's 4:34am. I woke up from a dead sleep because I was dreaming, of you and I. We were happy... Then we walked and another joined us and we ran into a bag of cutlery, and I had to ask... Why are these here, you? It makes no sense.. I just needed to know... You rolled your eyes to him and shook your head. I just wanted to know, how could you? That hurt, how could you? And you smiled and I, well, I just took an arrow through my sternum. That heart stopping, "the next breath is the hardest" type. And so I left, running the streets I knew most. I was alone, it was 1:30 in the morning, too late to wake anyone to comfort me, but I did find a few soft seconds. I know what this stands for. Standing in a lot parallel to the place that haunted and housed me when I was young, but why were the clouds so bright... Why in this particular moment can I see everything? I of course expected and received no answer. I made my way back to where I had left you, and I saw you from a distance. The three of you walked towards the alley of the old car wash, which I assume was towards home, and you kissed in spite of me. You laughed because you knew that had crushed me and you knew I wouldn't do a thing because I was afraid to make another mistake, so I took it. And I said "I can't believe you" in a whisper, but you heard it as if I had yelled it anyway, and all you said was "What? I left the door unlocked." But you did this for me, not because you wanted to, but because your heart was filled with pity for me, and God, was I pitiful. I am. This is the moment I knew you would never love me the same.. And you seemed so happy with your present and you were able to watch my soul shattered, and just keep walking. So, I let you go because I promised I would, and I met a nice woman. She talked to me as she helped her three children get ready for school, and so I helped her because she looked like she needed it. I tried to keep it as short as possible because the only thing I wanted was to make it back to those few seconds of comfort I had found earlier, but I never made it. I took a few steps, looked at the sidewalk meeting my shoes, and then, a note from an entry of mine, I said "Please, if I die right now, I hope I die with my eyes open, because all I can see is her when they close." I don't know who I was speaking to, anyone maybe.. But these were my last words before I made it here, to this page. I had an overwhelming weight within my torso, and tears had already invited them self before I woke. That hasn't happened since I was a child. I had a dream of me floating outside of the earth, and it looked beautiful, but my mother was gone, and I guess I just couldn't stand the thought of living in a world that she didn't exist in, and even worse... When I woke in tears I couldn't run to her bedroom and hold her, because she didn't care. She was just the closest I've ever had to care, so I stayed alone, curled into the ball that I'm so familiar with, and held myself until they were gone. As I will now. I wanted to pray to never dream of you again because I can't take my heart breaking anymore, but I didn't pray, because dreaming is the only way I get to see your face anymore. Forever, I'd sooner tear out my own heart and smash it, before I gave up the few seconds of you that are still mine.