Oct 2013
A young man with his pants hanging half off his backside, two gold front teeth,
and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck; walked into the local
welfare office to pick up his check.
He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing
welfare. I'd really rather have a job.. I don't like taking advantage of
the system, getting something for nothing."
The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We
Just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur
and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in
his 2012 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes."
"Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected
to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather
awkward to say but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment
to satisfy her ****** urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a
rather strong *** drive."
The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me!"
The social worker said, "Yeah, well... You started it." .
And then........
RETIREMENT BONUS
If this doesn't make you laugh, you are truly humour impaired!
The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any Two points in his body.. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.
The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked Out with $96,000.
The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied,
'From the tip of my ****** to my testicles.'
It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two Officers had received.
But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a Medical Officer.
The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Chief to 'drop 'em,' which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's ****** and began to work back. "Dear Lord!", he suddenly exclaimed,
''Where are your testicles?''
The old Chief calmly replied, '' Vietnam ''.
Happy days everybody.
M.
I Love This Country!
It's The Government That
Scares The Hell Outta Me!
Cheers all M.
and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck; walked into the local
welfare office to pick up his check.
He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing
welfare. I'd really rather have a job.. I don't like taking advantage of
the system, getting something for nothing."
The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We
Just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur
and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in
his 2012 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes."
"Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected
to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather
awkward to say but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment
to satisfy her ****** urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a
rather strong *** drive."
The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me!"
The social worker said, "Yeah, well... You started it." .
And then........
RETIREMENT BONUS
If this doesn't make you laugh, you are truly humour impaired!
The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any Two points in his body.. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.
The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked Out with $96,000.
The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied,
'From the tip of my ****** to my testicles.'
It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two Officers had received.
But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a Medical Officer.
The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Chief to 'drop 'em,' which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's ****** and began to work back. "Dear Lord!", he suddenly exclaimed,
''Where are your testicles?''
The old Chief calmly replied, '' Vietnam ''.
Happy days everybody.
M.
I Love This Country!
It's The Government That
Scares The Hell Outta Me!
Cheers all M.
