(Sonder)
Blue mondays linger a few days or years

I've got too many mistakes I can't begin to undo.

I held your hand of different shades
And watched the life fade from your bones
Without a spare movement to show for it

Not even a spasm, not even sunken skin

Macaw loverboyyy, mamasboyyy
Addiction puppet-strung on a whim
  not caring which direction I was headed,

I was born to use and get used and fate is the hardest habit to break.

I made lighthouses out of tiny chipped pawn pieces
I stayed up for nights trying to define
  Your holy ways in words--
What weight on the shoulders is that of an overnight eyebag compared to all those days lost and wasted?
And while you and all they other muses are dead here I breathe still;

Worthy or not
It doesn't matter.

The only unconditional love I have left is from someone I refused to speak to this time last year

and it's clear that I love 'em too cause I never say that I do

But these days I prefer my own company
  
As you know

And if you've the right reason's there's nothing wrong with that, I'm sure you agree

Suicide isn't a rite of passage but self-harm in some form or another just may be

And I've tried just about every method,

I used to haunt my home, encircling my messy floor skeletal
Not wanting to make a sound as I stepped.

Anorexia nervosa-- I never dealt with it and that's how I deal with it--

Even if every bite makes me sick now

I'll think different when I starve and my head isn't full of too many thoughts to get by on autopilot,
I stay inside when I can and I stay alone and I plan on dying this way

(Blondie) (i is another)

Sunshine washes over my shoulder like rainfall
And ruins my jejune overcoat.
I've got gold on my mind and spite on my tongue for all the wrong done to me

And I believe I'll stay silent again today because I'm proud of who I was yesterday.

I wear my ancestors faces although I'll never know their names

Put cigarette emojis on my grave and those clapping hands that has been misconstrued as praying hands for so long that that is now what they are.

Give me a house as a honeybee in memphis or somewhere else I've never been
And see to it that I don't recall a thing of this lifetime of mine and all it's lazy miracles.

Weakness is a force to be reckoned with if one is strong enough to face it naked.
Anger is a constant that's too recognisable to even be worth getting into with words.