"You doing ok?"

It was innocent
Came from a place of compassion
Empathy even
For the devastation thing called life

You call me a friend
Surprise I come when offered
Not knowing till later
No one else invites me for things

Despite the laughs
Despite the masterful smile I showed
You saw through it
Saw the pain in my eyes

The one thing I've begged for someone
Anyone
To do
And yet, I built that wall higher

The one of my own self isolation
The one where the past and present blur
The one, where no can hurt me if I'm alone

You were genuine
Kind
Caring in time of need
And I still lied to your face

What kind of friend am I
When I want to be safe place for everyone
And can't seem to let others do the same for me

Me, myself and I
The closest friends I have
What kind of monster have I become now?