Dread fills my stomach and I’m puking in the bathroom before dinner. I know they are all outside talking loudly.

There is so much food at this table and everyone thinks the fat girl will just gorge and eat herself to death.
But I’m starving myself.
I’m punishing myself for weight I can’t lose fast enough.

I know you all are staring.
I don’t need the comments - I say them enough to myself daily.
I don’t need your frustration - I have enough of my own.
I don’t need the comparisons and the comments of how beautiful they are and how disgusting I am.

And while you claim you’ll never think that I know you do- deep down.
I hear it in the “oh you look nice today”
I hear it in the “a little walk won’t hurt”
I hear it in the “we just want to make sure you’re happy and healthy.”

The stigma-
All fat people are unhealthy- let’s be honest, I’ve had my body examined more than you and I’m in perfect health.
All fat people are lazy- while you’re sitting in your house all day I’ve been hiking and running around like a chicken without a head just fine.
All fat people do is eat eat eat- I had one plate you had 6.

Dread fills my stomach & my anxiety is running high -
Who the **** made holidays a time to hang with family ?