and in that moment,
i am 17 again
swallowing liquid flames
just a little girl
getting all the blame

in that moment,
i am re-reading the messages
running my fingers over
their icy, stone tower,
searching for a crack
in which i could drown in guilt,
which would bewray me as a liar
and a stake to be burned.

but,
my fort stands still,
for it is built on the truth
which does not yield
nor does it easily shatter.

it is wonky, it is ugly,
but the truth has never been pretty.
i break my nails on the strong wall,
cursing my own only merit.

for i am just a little girl,
perhaps,
about to be alone again.

I just needed someone to stay.