i once recalled your memory,
full of heart & sorrow,
heavy is the weight of speaking your name.
i sang a song of longing & regret,
begging for a conversation
to fill the empty air you left me with.
but once the air was full
& satiated by a newcomer,
the glass wall i built around me
had shattered at my feet.
left with nothing but the ever-open,
bleeding wound that i call you.
his words & thoughts may flow likewise,
but his eyes could never hold you
the way mine so selfishly long to
& i feel the familiar ache for the millionth time.
you haunt me like my shadow,
you come to me in waves,
you carved your name in my chambers
& left it desolate for the next.
although my love has renovated,
your name is embedded in the walls.
i cover it with beautiful paintings,
made with new memories, hoping to forget.
so when does it end, the ache, the guilt,
the longing, the love?
i pray to god to grant me mercy
& leave me with an answer
of how to let it go.