Isn’t it funny but not really
that I feel the same way I did
when we were together.
So unsure of how you see me,
and how you see the future.
If I’m even in it at all.
I know I’m just emotional,
But that doesn’t make this
feeling invalid.
I like to make everyone around me
believe that I am perfectly content
being alone and most days that’s true.
There is no longer anyone
to let me down or make me feel
less than, other than myself.
And I always say sorry.

If I wasn’t spending all my free time
believing his words I might have
a new man, a new life by now.
And truly part of me wants to try
for that because I’ve seen this movie
before and
I don’t like the ending.
And real life isn’t a movie,
I am getting older each day,
farther and farther away from
“My happy ending.”
Whatever that means.
Because love is grand and wonderful
but also a fairytale that humans
so desperately want to come true.
You can wish all day for a unicorn
but that won’t make one exist.

Today I am sad, but just deep down.
Which is where I prefer it to be.