She remembers them,
as if it was yesterday.

Shaking.
Screaming.
Hitting.
Scratching.
Herself.

Sh­e was out of control.
She was afraid.
It was a terrible thing, really.
A girl once in total control,
spiraling out of control.

She was drowning in fear,
fear of herself.
As she swam closer to the top,
the monster inside pulled her down further.
She could not get up.

Water.
Filled.
Her.
Lungs.
She.
Could.
Not.
Breathe.

Wishin­g the water would take over completely.
This state in between living and not.
It is not a way to be.

They say to take deep breaths,
but as she prepares for the air to fill her lungs,
water flows in.
They said she would be okay.
What is happening?
What is going on?

Yelling.
Crying.
Screaming.

What is going on?!
She wants things to make sense.
Everyone around her is afraid.
They try to comfort her,
but nothing works.

She shakes in her own skin,
with no where to run.
She cries and she sleeps and tries to get through every day,
just hoping it will get better.