here, another night writhing I should be asleep, comfortable I should be… normal instead I writhe or I lie so ******* still trying to pretend trying to will it away inside I am clawing to get out of this body inside I picture myself flailing, jerking, thrashing, punching, kicking I visualize breaking my own bones with how hard I fight the pain I see it in my mind, I let loose and walk away bloodied, bruised, all cut up… but I won. in my mind. in reality I have no energy to thrash. i lack the spoons to fight, and this, is an unwinnable war anyway.