Craving affection, I did what any girl would do.
I knew he wanted me
and I knew I would regret it
but I pushed past the guilt
and willed my thumbs to be bold
because my mouth would not.

                                                     * I'm bored. Want to make out?

He replied almost instantly
though not looking in my direction
where I sat not more than a foot away.
My phone buzzed.
One new text
Open.*

I convinced myself he would know it didn't mean anything.
So I kissed him in the poorly decorated guest bedroom.
I didn't like the way his mouth felt
or the way his hands passive aggressively caressed me.
He was surprised by my utilization of lip nibbling.
He said he could get used to it.
He closed the door.  

                                   "I'm not going to have *** with you."

He's terrible at pretending he's not phased by this.
I don't let him walk me to my car,
fearing he'll expect a goodnight kiss.
But that's not what this is.

Maybe he'll realize
I was longing for someone else's kiss.