‘You’re so wet for me baby’ they say
‘You’re not saying no’
Rinse repeat
It hurts I say
‘That’s normal ‘
It is what it is what it is what it is
My words stop
‘You’re so quiet’ they say
If I unzip my abused vocal chords I won’t be able to stop the noise
Keening screaming bursting like a dam
It’ll fill up my head
My fucking bone marrow
Where do I begin and where do you end flush against me
I am good at being quiet
I am good at being small
I am good at being needed
I am good at pleasing others
I am good at saying yes when I mean;
Stop
Get me out
You are choking me
I can’t breathe
There is blood on my teeth
On my hands
I held you after you assaulted me for the first time and you told me about what was plaguing your mind
So I comfort you
Rinse repeat
Tell you I’ve got you through gritted teeth
Is that so bad is that so bad I am needed so why is it so fucking bad
You fill my lungs acrid and burning
Inhale exhale
Inhale exhale
Wd and vcka coat your lips like a gaudy lipgloss
Wash away the taste of you
Clean my teeth with dettol
Empty my veins clean the dirt and grime away
Trying to forget the way you coat my teeth
Your mouth is so good baby’ you say
It is bad honey and expired milk
It is not being touched since
It is not sleeping
It is wanting to be held but being terrified of the thought
To be held is to be vulnerable
Split me open
Look inside