I've never had
more than one dainty little sip of beer
and I've never been under
the influence of anything other
than the very loud and contradicting voices in my head.

So every time
the smell of smoke makes my body itch
for a cigarette between my lips
or for maybe even one real kiss
The voices take charge and I stay safe
in my head.

I've never had
more than one dainty little sip of life
And I don't intend on having another.

But what would happen mother
If I let myself exist?