it has always been about controlling myself
i can't just feel without asking whether or not i'm
allowed
to feel something
whenever i'm angry
i don't have the right
if i'm frightened,
i am too weak
my happiness
i am stealing
from someone else
i wish i could pay in advance
at least in blood
can i pay my credit in blood?
oh good
rip open my wallet
and fill the banks
till they are dripping
i don't want to steal from you
i do not want to brutalize my neighbors
please
take my offerings
till i am cold broke
my god
my god