The girl next door everyone liked her so you had no interest. Pretending not to care but there was emotions that remained hidden. She seemed to like everyone expect you. You heard her complain about her bf and going back to the exes that continued to hurt her.
You got hurt because there was nothing you could do. Acting on those urges would lead to losing her as a friend. Felt like everything went wrong trying to protect her. Eventually you fade out focused on those rare good times. That brought joy from a tough child hood. Memories faded away moving hard to do but became second nature.