I saw you being pulled in a million directions
With so many opportunities,
New faces and places,
And that I was an anchor.
You would never tell me that,
Because you’re kind,
And you’re lovely,
And you see the best in everything and everyone,
But I know it’s true, because
I saw you.

So I took myself out of the equation—
I would rather watch you fly untethered,
Free of me
Than to be your ball and chain
Dragging you away from
The bright world in front of you,
The bright world you deserve.
I took myself out of the equation
Because I love you more than myself.
I wish I could put myself back in the equation every day,
But I have already been factored out,
A stray, pesky variable.
I mourn the solution to the equation everyday,
But your eyes still shine when I’m not around,
So I must have done right by you,
Even if not by myself.
I know, because
I saw you.

There’s a line in a book somewhere that says,
“She was the last person to look at me
And see me looking back,”
Or something like that.
And that’s how I feel about you—
You’re the last person to see me,
To really see me,
But I don’t see you looking back anymore.
I’m still here, looking back at you,
Even if sometimes it feels like we’re strangers,
But I look at you and see everything we’ve ever been,
Everything we are,
And everything we’ll ever be.
I look at you and almost remember what joy was,
What love was,
What belonging was,
What safety was.
Sometimes it makes me want to fall apart
All over again.
Sometimes I wonder if I should fully factor myself out
Of the equation,
But your pull on me is too strong,
And then
I see you.