it's this passion, baby
passion gets old
it gets tired and
i, i, i feel tired. the lights are beginning to blur out of focus. i haven't felt much like myself lately. oh dear, where've i wandered off to again?

please. please take this squishy heart out of my soft chest.
i am so tired of its incessant beating. i try telling it to calm down and it never really listens. stupid thing.
please oh please take this anxious brain out of my heavy head.
i am exhausted from the way it tears me down. tears me to shreds. makes me cry.
everything inside me is against me.

if i could wish for one thing
it would be to stop feeling
for just one second.
i am so tired of feeling every little thing. every silent second.
every tick of the clock. empathy is not what i signed up for. get it out get it out

but when i feel everything i want numbness and when i'm numb i want to feel it all and i am never content with my lot and i think far too much and yes yes i have already thought that out and yes it ended badly for me it always does and yes i have thought about that too and yes it ended with me on the floor and won't you just turn my ******* brain off won't you just make it stop i don't want to feel any more i am so tired of feeling everything i need to make it all stop i just want to be numb to it all i don't want to feel i don't want to feel and i feel like a child

and what do i feel before i fall asleep?
all the what ifs and could've beens that drive me to insanity.