I was staring down at my phone, laughing at the stupid thing
you must have said while I was waiting for a flight
to a place I couldn't really call home, but would give me
the clarity
I had been searching for in him
through your catacombs and reassurance.

I used you to find my way again.

Because he stole a lot of my direction.
Believe it or not, I'm not as strong as I used to be.
So please don't get mad when I say I'm sorry
for pushing you into all of the things
I just couldn't move through on my own.

I looked up from my fixation of your comfort
to find a small, silver-eyed woman
with brown skin and hair like a dog
with a child's fascination smile upon her lips
and a small twinkle in the way she was looking at me,
as though I was a reflection of herself.
A younger her who remembered what it was like
to be so in love with somebody.

I'm so in love with you
And she knew it too.

I keep blaming my senselessness on being stuck
in a cycle of the past repeating,
and I keep reaching back for you because I
"Know you well"
but really,
I'm that close to you because I want to be.
I use him as an excuse to cover up
that behind the false heartache of a love I knew would never last,
there's you.

So I just gave a small nod of understanding
to the woman who was in awe of my young blood and wide-eyed wishing
for a truth I never knew I could seek
because even she knew it too.

I'm so in love with you.