no one becomes an addict overnight;
that's at least the testimony
I hear from ****** addicts and users of other illicit drugs.

I am a mere consumer of alcohol,
benign usually in a small doses but the most destructive
overall in terms of certain statistics.

but here I am drinking every night, and if a day goes by without consumption I get a sort of anxiety knowing
that I'll have to endure the day sober, and what a boring prospect that it is.

It's not that the chemical itself is addictive, which it obviously is, but the main point is escapism.
This life is garbage;
I'm isolated living in a rural ******* ontop a ******* mountain with barely any means to commute considering I'll be snowed in for the next 4 months.

I genuinely feel cursed.
I don't want to fail but all the forces conspire against me. I am bitter and tired
and I feel old.
I've never felt old, but the years now I've begun to count

I was supposed to die at 27, maybe 28 will be my new
lucky number