i mourned
us
on the train back.
North East to London,
Norfolk into Suffolk into Home.
England,
a green, scarred patchwork,
blistering apart while i sit.
A woman opposite tries to coax the
context
out of me; the entertainment,
before we're pulled into Liverpool St Station.
to credit my memory -
it frames itself nicely, my mugged up
glasses.
a sunbeaten, reddened, ruddy face -
holding back. swallowing the
outburst -
"i let myself believe for once."
we sit.
the quiet unbroken.
save for the sounds of me
steadily
getting further from you.
the sounds of me steadily getting further from you.
***i mourned us once again.
ten months in and now
six months out
filled with immeasurable moments later.
there was no woman this time.
and only without her
or us -
i found the truth to say***
"i let myself believe, for once."