Best Friends

I always get you what you need,
case of beer and a bag of ****.
You can count on me, to hook you up,
a cute kitten, or a small baby pup.
I'd give you a liver, or a kidney,
I'd even clean out your ***** chimney.
I'm more than happy to mow your grass,
for a price, I'd even wipe your hairy ***.
Got no car, I'll give you a ride,
I'm very honest, and I never lied.
I'll buy you a ticket, to see your favorite band,
if ever drowning, I'll bring you to dry land.
I'll buy you dinner, I'll buy you drinks,
hang with me and no more jinx.
If drunk, I'll tuck you in bed at night,
to all my parties, you'll get an invite.
You can borrow all my money,
dry your eyes when they're runny.
I give you the best advice,
always free, never a price.
I listen when you have problems,
I give you many of random options.
I'd give you my last cigarette,
let you borrow my classic corvette.
I hook you up with super hot chicks,
I'd give you anything from my bag of tricks.
We've been best friends since first grade,
through your troubles, its me who stayed.
I know someday you'll return the favor,
if he only knew his naked sister is my screen saver.