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  1d Cody Smith
I stood over the sink
Scrubbing our negroni glasses
Wishing the ginger-scented soap
Would wash away the cancer
Because the chemo didn’t work

I was wearing eyeliner
When I first met you
We’d laugh about that later
Over a bottle of wine
And patatas bravas

We always had our weekends
Movie dates and inside jokes
We would guffaw at the
Fuckery of it all
My god your laugh
How it filled a room

I remember when you said
“I love you, Christopher…
because you just GET ME”
You expressed appreciation
For how I carved out time
For our friendship

I reminded you,
“I don’t carve out time for you,
I shove everything away while
screaming ‘I NEED MY HEIDI TIME!’”

I need my Heidi time

For years you were
The most consistent thing in my life
Always there for one another
We were each other’s touchstones
I realize this now more than ever
During my weekends spent alone

Wine tastes different now
Something’s missing
Going to the movies feels strange
It’s like the hero has
Left the frame

Remember when I smoked cigarettes?
You’d *** a drag as we crept
Through early evening traffic
On our way to get gelato
Or if we were feeling sassy
Maybe an affogato

I switched to vaping
When you went into hospice
Then back to menthols
When your spirit left this world

I’m addicted to our memories
More than the nicotine
They bang around my head
Like a song or a scent

You tattooed
On your wrists
“By yielding, you will win”
My finger traced those words
While I held your hand

Last breaths

But what are deaths?

A spark

/ / /

Those letters live
On my wrists now
A reminder of her
The sister I never had
And sometimes
I still hear her laugh
One of my dearest friends (read: soulfriend) left this earth three years ago today. This piece is in her memory. I love you, Heidi, my star.
Even the rain seems lazy today, drooling down from the clouds, listless and bored.
The songbirds begin to hum, but roll their eyes and nestle back in their nests instead.
I'd get out of bed but my blanket is too lazy to get off me.
I'd make some coffee, but the filter is too tired to drip.
I'd stay awake but my eyelids keep falling asleep.
an interstellar vacuum
is far from empty,
all the water in the universe
is melted comets,
and it floods all reason.

bloodstar from afar
or Cape Canaveral close,
no astral projection there,
only a cipher in a foreign quadrant
big, wet, unsympathetic drops.

hear it now!
the sonic boom of
marooned tourism,
in short shots,
fast cuts,
horizonal eddy currents
ripe with thorns,
like lakes of suspicion,
if God is listening
then this mission is in trouble.

downcycled planet in the wires
and cigarette lighters,
a home without space,
Andromeda chained in sacrifice
to sate the monster,
her punishing beauty
cascading over the peril
that everything in the universe
is recyclable – even you!
Who wants a victory that no one else recognises?
  4d Cody Smith
Same serpent
New skin
She hisses
A fantasy
As she slithers in

My vulnerability
A weakness
An opportunity to
Sell a dream
The bitter
Sheathed in sweetness

I swallowed the lie
And it tasted delicious
Like fresh mint
Into a summer mojito
Cool and crisp
Now where do we go?

How about
Lake houses
And concerts
Front porches
And desserts

Then you can

Take me to the beach
Choke me in sand
Call me a king
While twisting me into
A pawn whose silver
You leach

No longer a friend
But a means to an

You held my grief
In the palm
Of your hand
Then squeezed it
Like a lime
What an unholy

The scales have tipped
Your ruse has been revealed
The well is poisoned
Your wine congealed

You are nothing
But a chapter
In my story
Watch as I
Flame your pages
In resplendent

Dermot sang of
A raven and a dove
But in your version
Of a kingdom
Both don’t fly free

Remember me,
Oh viper
The blackbird
With a cigarette lighter
You’ve been flinted
And I’m newly

Recoil from my shine
As the truth
Burns your eyes
I bid you goodnight
And I bid you goodbye

My memory of you
Like your ego
Will wither and fade
Along with
The skin you’ve shed
In the lonely bed
You’ve made
Yet with the hype and madness about the Coronavirus
I open window and take a deep breath breath of icy Alaskan air

The glass wearing a frosty negligee
Leaving transparent area just large enough to get a small peek at the natural show of pale snowy scenery on the other side

Eerily quiet
There is a foreboding sensation about the vacant stadium
Lone songbird whistling simple serenades to a pre-apocalyptic invisible audience
Written 3-3-20
Tangled souls all made of twine
In the fabric of our time
Ancient hands of father time
Stitching thoughts within our mind
Interlacing woven lives
Weaving paths for man and kind

Eternal flowing tapestry
Recording our histories
Life is living poetry
Savor every breath you breathe

Some lives dull and made of grays
Some are like a vibrant haze
Most are lost within a daze
Life is like an endless maze

Enchanted loom where life is born
As they age the fabric's worn
Places where the pattern's torn
Empty space where life is mourned
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