how can I apologize for the marks I’m leaving on your skin? the way my fingertips are digging trenches into the same arms that wrap around and comfort me?
how can I explain that though I’m planted on solid ground I feel as if my ankles are being grabbed by unforgiving hands and trying to pull me far far away.
as I’m dragged away I’m desperately trying to hold on, but the tighter I grab your hand the harder my nails dig into your palms and pieces of you become pixelations that disappear into the nothingness leaving me with less and less to hold.
why do I push away all that I wish to hold close why do I hurt everything that I want to keep safe and why does love scare me so much that it makes me crazy and turn me into everything I never wanted to be.
how can I explain that I’m trying not to be this way, how can I apologize to myself when I feel defenseless.
I’m not crazy, I’m scared, of getting everything I’ve ever wanted, just to watch it slip right through my fingers.