in my bones there is a rattling

inside there are flies
they lay their eggs in my hope and love and all the warm wet feelings i have
the eggs hatch, the maggots feast, the flies grow up, and then they die

"theres a rattling in my bones," i say
the doctor does not look up from his papers
"perhaps," my stomach tightens and i feel the maggots bite into me
"you just need to lose some weight?"
i thank the doctor for his time again
he does not bother to notice my jaundice
nor the stench of rotting fruit

each step sounds like jingling keys
i found fear in the sound once, and then comfort
some days i barely hear it
some days its so loud i cant hear anything else
maybe one day itll go away
or at least stay a consistent volume
until then i do not walk

"my bones," i tell the doctor.
"they're fine." he tells me
i ball my hands into shaking fists
the corpses of flies bounce around inside my knuckles
can he hear the noise?
can he hear the rattling?

in my mind i beat the doctor
his skin is split and his bones are broken
i eat the marrow
my wings vibrate behind me
i lay my eggs in his hope and love and all his warm wet feelings
and curse him to live like me

outside i smile
i thank the doctor for his time again
and i leave