Oh to be of such terrible character.
You'd think it would accompany grief.
Nay says I with such attributes.
Tis can be but relief.

Will they or won't they like you?
You already know the answer.
So drink as much as you like
And then belt out some Tiny Dancer.

It solves all your problems in earnests.
Will you ever be happy, maybe succeed in life?
Of course not because you're terrible.
You'll get nothing but hate and strife.

How you'll go about your days.
Wondering if they'll be finest kind.
Or course not you hapless idiot.
Because of you and what's in your mind.

So fret not if you'll ever find love.
Or a sensible reason for being.
Just soak in the fact that you're awful.
The relief is sorta like peeing.