I hate that my only experience of love,
Before now,
Was a demonstration of narcissisms bargaining chip.
The soul source of a narcissists food to feed the ego.
Because for a long time,
I was in deep belief that love was fleeting.
Here one second,
Non existent the next.
Torturous…
And devoid of any warmth falsely portrayed in movies, books and the lives of my friends.

I hate that I was conditioned to believe love was regimented.
Structured and strictly used to service you.

Affection was a mirage
Shown only when I must’ve needed a reminder to cling to false hope that this was real.

And while some romance films
Toy with the idea of some small sacrifices being involved
None ever quite explained that you had to forfeit your dreams for a narcissists ego.
Luckily, this was something you explained to me.
I should’ve graduated 3 years ago…

Despite your hard hard work to convince me love wasn’t real,
That I was nothing of worth.
I am being loved, shown I too can be supported, encouraged.
And I am stronger
And worthier
And happier
Than I think you are ever capable of feeling.

The hole you’ve dug is a deep one,
Get comfy before they fill it in.