Anxiety

I run,
and run,
and run,
and it chases,
chases,
chases.

It haunts the crevices of my mind,
laughing,
mocking,
pushing me closer,
to an undefined edge.

As I think I am getting better,
as hope caresses me into a broken lucidity,
it knocks on my door.
Pounding against the hard cracking ossein,
pounding,
pounding.

All around me my walls shatter,
and it’s echoing voice,
protrudes my hollow skull.
It taunts my frail spirit,
It takes a hammer to my confidence,
It tears my existence to shreds.

I hide in my room.
It is safe there.
Hiding.
Hiding.
No pain can reach me,
If it cannot see me.

Its voice is a calming melody
That masks the true terror it really is.
“It’s okay to hide. You’ll be safe here.
“Don’t be scared.”
When all I am
Is scared.
Scared.
Scared.

Scared of people,
what they’ll say,
what they’ll think.
Scared of how
I will embarrass myself
this time.

Its hand grasps me by the throat
and shakes me numb.
“Do not go. Do not go.
“They will mock you,
“They will judge you,
“Don’t go, Don’t go.”

I run,
and run,
and run,
and it chases,
chases,
chases.

I want away. I want away.
This fear it gives me.
This fear is throws on me.
I do not need.
It racks my mind endlessly,
whispering lies into my ears.

I try,
and try,
and try,
to get away,
and it laughs,
laughs,
laughs.