Her sadness was loud
she would cry herself out
bang her hands against the walls

she would scream asking why
to the heavens
asking why
to the glass of water still full

Her grief was like a storm
encompassing everything else
it was wet
there was no escape from it

I could just
stare
at her
at the photo
at the candles

my sadness was quiet
I couldn't cry
the tears would dry in my eyelashes
I would just lay there

asking why
to the shadows in the altar
asking why
to my memory
asking why
I couldn't remember

                 his voice
                 his hands
the last time I saw him
the last time I heard
                 his voice

The lights are the only thing I can offer
to help him
to help her
                  to

                  remember
even if it's just now
I only have the guilt
because death did us part
and all the love I didn't know I had
doesn't have anywhere to go