So close
so far
A maybe
Those sunlit oceans
He dares to call eyes
Looked into mine
All the time
Or perhaps because there wasn’t a day we didn’t talk
Even if there wasn't anything to say
For me, there was always so much
Or when we didn’t we hated each other
Or that the notion that i hated myself was so ******* unfathomable
Or the teasing
And the incessant laughter
Or when he was so close
If i breathed the wrong way i could’ve kissed him
And if i close my eyes a little too long
It happens all the time
Or how he never forgot anything i told him
Or how it was impossible to not smile
Even during that time
But it was probably because I wanted him to be mine
So ****** badly
When he was married
And she was pregnant
And none of those things mattered
Because every ******* time i was with him
I felt like i was on drugs
The sun shone brighter
And life was better
Even though alone I was trying to find the quickest way to die
I love him
I can’t look at anything from that time the same anymore
Even though we met eight years ago
And i haven't seen him in four
But there wasn’t a day where i didn’t think i might
At the mall
On the street
In the shops
In his city where he doesn’t even ******* live in anymore
When i'm walking
When i'm running
Dear God when will I be free
It’s an almost
I’m so close
I can't feel the same for anyone else
But at least i don't think about him everyday
I'll never be the person i was
But at least i’m not sobbing on the floor
Screaming in pain because he isn’t mine
I’m almost there