1:28am and fingernails gripping deep enough to draw blood I take a breath and make my choice Clothes, shoes, keys I leave myself at the door, and step into the pause The standstill blanket of cold deep dark And its fresh and chilling embrace My private escape My eyes adjust to the night as I walk along the ritual path The sounds of my shoes are all that fills the gaping maw of silent sky Un-perceived, I disappear The sidewalk bends and curves with the ever-moving moon Around corners Through neighborhoods The shifting trees make curious shapes at the edge of my eye 2:12am and my wandering begins to take its toll My legs ache and tire and ask for rest, yet my mind still buzzes and stirs with painful contemplation It isnβt yet time to turn back 3:01am and all at once I feel the gentle tug of sleep as I begin to circle back Finally finding familiar streets and cul de sacs that seem like strangers in the flickering florescent lamplights Left, right, and left again I return to the door, and I dread what lies behind it But want as I might to stay, it is time once more for me to shoulder myself 3:20am and calm again, my questions quelled I wrap myself in the reminder of the silent chill of un-being And as I breathe the first slow breaths of peace, The sweetness of slumber meets me in between