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Jan 2022
1:28am and fingernails gripping deep enough to draw blood
I take a breath and make my choice
Clothes, shoes, keys
I leave myself at the door,
and step into the pause
The standstill blanket of cold deep dark
And its fresh and chilling embrace
My private escape
My eyes adjust to the night as I walk along the ritual path
The sounds of my shoes are all that fills the gaping maw of silent sky
Un-perceived, I disappear
The sidewalk bends and curves with the ever-moving moon
Around corners
Through neighborhoods
The shifting trees make curious shapes at the edge of my eye
2:12am and my wandering begins to take its toll
My legs ache and tire and ask for rest,
yet my mind still buzzes and stirs with painful contemplation
It isn’t yet time to turn back
3:01am and all at once I feel the gentle tug of sleep as I begin to circle back
Finally finding familiar streets and cul de sacs that seem like strangers in the flickering florescent lamplights
Left, right, and left again
I return to the door, and I dread what lies behind it
But want as I might to stay, it is time once more for me to shoulder myself
3:20am and calm again, my questions quelled
I wrap myself in the reminder of the silent chill of un-being
And as I breathe the first slow breaths of peace,
The sweetness of slumber meets me in between
Talia Rose
Written by
Talia Rose  21/Non-binary/Iowa
(21/Non-binary/Iowa)   
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