i don’t know what i want
but i think i know what i don’t
slowly lowered six feet deep
without a soul to see it

fist to cheek with a bouncer, dodging tabs
or stuck to a cedar stool
eye level with a rocks glass

dimly lit circle of chairs with strangers
sharing stories of some substance
and it’s dangers

christmas  with no gifts
and explaining to my son
why mom and i are taking shifts

these deepest fears feel like reality
and i know my life will lead me
to being slowly lowered six feet deep
without a soul to see it