evasive sleep
i’ve been awake since three
i pray the way i’m thinking of you
is the same you’re dreaming of me

i hear the whispers of you in everything.
every grey cloud bullying the sun and every stray sound echoing its hum.
lying bare beneath the trees of sleep and waking to an itch without relief.
i believed knowledge equaled belief
but faith was a dry and dying seed.
how can you water what you cannot see?

standing on the narrow stairs
painted walls to match your hair

standing in the scent of dust
damaged walls to match your trust

standing only inches apart
a vibrant warmth to match your heart

standing there despite ourselves
you and me and nothing else

this night feels like a sigh
the painted sky
reminds me why
i feel so dry
landscape and flora
we were soaring
but the leaves dried

we’ll just read by firelight
feel the warmth on heavy eyes
snowy day, December night
someone I love on either side

soft, sweet
so curious
in my dreams
when i breathe
i hear it

honestly, it’s not so bad
right now
she’s not mad
right now
he’s not sad
right now
if i don’t think about it

you sit under the sun
and the golden shine is one
with the beauty of your skin
and you don’t believe
how beautiful you are

all the flames and all the fun
you can’t deny the nights we’ve won
i wish to live forever here with you

you make me feel new
truth is, we stole the moon
when we kissed, it’s true
your skin so smooth
and my words like rusted roots
i wish i could spoke
i wish i speaked
i wish i told it
i wish i spoked
i’m broken and weak
and can only speak
of my love for you
in this drunken speech

his name was something
i can’t recall
but we spent a whole night
playing pool, 9 ball

overhead lights hazed blue
chalk on my cue
made a shot or two
watch his turn from a stool

next game, someone called
maybe we'll play a split
it doesn’t matter who won
we were infinite

city skyline bright
your eyes lock in on my eyes
we felt every pulse

i’ll probably stumble to the driveway
before the stars are all done shining
find a place still open
where the locals are unwinding

i got a fresh pack and a pocket of cash
ready to spend my last check
on the first girl that looks my way
forgetting all the word she’ll say
doesn’t matter, we’ll be gone by day

i know a lot of people
upset with the way i’m living
but i’ve never been known
for making good decisions

i want a love that likes laying in my bed
wasting time but never losing tread
i want a love that can play me in pool
lose a game and then play it cool
(but in a cute way)

i want a love that will love me
when i’m too drunk and hug me
let me know that everything will be okay
let me know there’s another day
when this one’s done
and the rising sun
isn’t something to run
from but something to see beauty in

i want a love i can reciprocate
i want to be ready while i wait
for you to get ready for our date.
i want to love the way you hate
the toppings on our pizza
or how the Uber was late

i want a love the loves me
that feels the things above me
realizes I’m more than
my mental fallacies
and looks past all i am
to see what i can be

the mornings always hurt too much
for the night to feel worth it
i’m broken and you’re a crutch
but in the moment it felt perfect

i think too much when i’m all alone
memories stinging like a funny bone
i think too much when i’m by myself
i’m just another toy left on the shelf

embellishing my relevance
your eloquence is heaven sent
the aggressive postulant’s sentiment
flattered, yes. accept my dissent

beneath the plastic clacking
i’m laughing. too attached
to girls moving backwards
and making eye contact
they burn with the passion i lack

i think i built a crane
to lift the things i can’t
a wagon to carry my baggage
a ***** pack for my angst
a tote for all my love
backpack for the parts i hate
i drag these bags around
i take them to the bank

i had a dream
and the only reason i could believe
it wasn’t real is that you were with me

still nestled in the night before
I dreamt of you driving
me wild

blackout drunk and wrecked
a heartbeat felt in texas
a text, a match, a fire
a speck of ash that met an ember
and burned the whole casket

stretched and pulled a tendon
left on read, it’s open ended
just elipses when i sent it
never ending “just depends..”
dead before it just begun
i wish i kept it in my head
this whole stanzas overdone
just wanted someone to come home to

you feel different, my love
you feel like remembering a password
you thought you forgot
pushing on the ceiling above
wishing it would all just cave in
maybe it’s the pavement i felt
erasing a welt, a bruise replaced
by embers just waiting to melt
my heart and my face
you pulled me away
from my personal hell

i lost my edge along the way
sanded down to a subtle gray
saturated, the colors drain out
until the day i blow my brains out

ghost kings in the fog
maintaining my momentum
in the monoliths

the roads closer to home are still slick
with the tightly packed snow protected
by shadows
but, sometimes, that soft crunch, despite the
danger, is still preferred to the gritty grind
of salt on ice

he washed until the water ran cold. he scrubbed until the sponge was smooth as satin. the unscathed stack of ***** dishes
just relax backed in the sink laughing at him.

i am only an idea
to perch and take flight
without so much as shifting
a single barren twig

I could be better
But I could be dead
There’s a lot of things I wish I never said
I could be happier
But I could be mad
There’s things I never said that I wish I had

turning bread into toast
peanut butter and jam
the part I miss the most
veraciously out of hand
I’ve been tying to slow it down
I’ve been counting through my breaths
distance found it difficult
to dwarf the pain that’s left

i see things things i don’t mean
and say things that nobody else does
maybe someone with a college degree
can make sense of this digital buzz

i’ll meet you where you might meet me
sandy scales of ocean water become your feet
the only memories of us I felt worthy to keep
skinny jeans and anxiety in corpus christi
you made me forget myself on the beach

a spider in every corner
a crow on every street light
the golden sunset
its brazen rays on industrial style housing
the summer heat subsides this evening
and a breeze rides down, cool relief
in the land of the morning calm

with the demeanor of a centipede
you intervene and impede on everything
interpreting what i mean
your sympathy is a foreign thing
i’ve never seen an evil being
be so in touch with what i’m feeling

like ivory split on wooden planks
she whispered to the cloud
thanks
for watering the plant
from the very seeds she planted