My wife said to embrace my feminine side
So I thought I'd give it a whirl
And though I said I'll do my best
I don't make a very good girl

So I tried my hand at cooking
And now the chicken is crispy and black
The laundry was just my first attempt
And it almost broke my back

I even took a bubble bath
With candles on the side of the tub
But when I tried to shave my legs
The only thing left was a nub

And even though I must admit
I look pretty **** good in a dress
Those dadgum ***** hose were cramping my style
As you can probably already guess

That make-up made me feel kinda funny
And made me look just a little bit weird
I think it clashed with the leftover breakfast
That was hanging out inside my beard

My wife said I made an ugly girl
And she laughed so hard she cried
She said she'd never ask me again
To embrace my feminine side