Are you happy

I wish and I crave, I am only temporary
They say happiness is a season, is a band aid, is a
Small breeze not a winter's storm
I tell you it matters I feel that it does
But I don't even know what I want between us
I swear I'm not lying
I swear I want you
But.

There is always a but but never what follows
I come up short
There is empty where there should be reason,
Where there should be definitive knowledge
Wisps and smoke and empty thoughts that don't hold
Are you telling me to leave or are you telling me to settle
If I am a tree, if I settle my roots and crack through stone and I
Raise my arms up to the trembling sky
Am I crushing a mountain to hold myself aloft?
Do I deserve such opposition, such work to make us?
Is it right that you are stone, you are mountain and crushed beneath my razored toes?
If I tremble to the mighty mountain as I delve into its depths
Who is the giant and who is the ant

I ask you to change and morph
I ask you to be the dreams of a paper-bound girl
But my voice is a hum of electricity and crackles
And when I watch you and hiss
The only sound is that of your laugh, eyes trained on someone else
I ask and I ask inside and only that side
The out is too far for my thoughts to reach

Perhaps if you were rich soil and I a small sprout
You could grow richer and I taller
And no one is cracked and broken into pieces
No one is gnarled and no one is fading
We nourish each other and create a forest
And I never wish to crush you beneath my aching, exhausted toes.