i managed to face the world
without crying in public              
i held my food down                    
or the small amount                      
that was consumed                        
little blood was spilt                    
i shook some
and panicked
no one saw tears
i'm "getting better"

yeah sure, i'm getting better
suicidal thoughts were at a lower
number than before                                
still pressing my mind with possibilities
the urge to cut was there
i mostly held it in

i'm so much better
i cried at home    
in bed                alone
the cuts were smaller
i ate something    
and kept it down  
didn't say anything
to anyone
after all
i'm "getting better"

*i want to die