Two years ago I went through a very painful breakup. I didn’t let my own mother hug me for almost the whole two years. Nobody was allowed to touch me anymore. This year I finally found someone I couldn’t get enough of, and I let him in. But then I started letting everyone back in very quickly. Way too quickly. My family and some close friends were shocked that I was suddenly asking for affection. I couldn’t let go of him. I felt safe with him. I hadn’t felt safe under someone’s touch in two years, especially a man’s. I understood again what I had been depriving myself of. He never believed I wasn’t a touchy person beforehand. And it was so brief that it shouldn’t have gotten to me the way that it did. But it had been so long since I was held. Anyway. He doesn’t hold me now. I don’t know if I could let him if he tried.