Objectification

I noticed a while ago. I am subconsciously Objectifying everyone. And when I think about it Objectified people Are easier To deal with. I don't think this odd tendency of mine is Natural. In fact, I'm sure it isn't. It's the result of a subdued conscience. A conscience I always had. I cared deeply for others. I felt bad Cried myself to sleep For the smallest things. An offhand insult I wasn't sure was even heard. A chip taken from the lunch table. An argument to be forgotten and ignored the next day. I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach. I cried Hated myself Continuously hit myself Cried more And had nightmares. As I got older These feelings faded But still I get these pains in the pit of my stomach. And I remember how I was Before I was numbed by Objectification. I saw people as people. I cried because I don't want people to feel bad. Not because of me! I can't think of anything worse Than being that picture on a dartboard That gives the incentive to Never. Miss. To be hated. Even disliked. Thought of as trash As I often am I suspect. Looks of disgust I draw From people I care for Who I don't want to hurt Who constantly hurt me. It tears me apart And as I write this I feel tears welling up Which they haven't done for Years. I began this objectification. "That's just a dumb person." "He's an idiot." "Just one of those mean kids." And I stopped caring if I hurt them Because caring hurts. A lot.

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