You have always been there for me
My protector
My teacher
My guider

You hold me at night when the world is mean
You remind me how beautiful I am
You always make me laugh through my tears

21 years it has been us
together we got out of the hell house
and learned how to live without pain finally

When the doctors first said there was something wrong
I was 15
15 living in a nightmare while trying to navigate high school
15 when you first talked about leaving me
But then you were fine
and we were happy again

Now I sit
21 listening to your problems
21 seeing you in pain
and hating every second of it
21 and barely holding it together

Doctors don't know what's wrong
and speak of testing and scans
the only diagnosis we got
makes my stomach knot

"Suicide Syndrom"

The words burn in my mind
and when you explain how you understand
why it has its name
I silently cry
terrified that
the strongest warrior that I know
won't fight anymore
and I will be completely alone

Please fight mom,
please stay with me one more night
just one more
night