The joy this man brings me… is unreal. And it terrifies me to let it go because it took a long time to find that joy and what if I don’t find it again? But I lack the sense of safety and peace that I crave. So is it not an act of self love to trust that there is more still waiting? I don’t want to make myself choose to leave something that made me smile so **** hard. But I can’t keep crying about how badly I want what I know is not good for me.