Sep 2021
This is the other letter, the one you're never gonna read, the side B.
First thing I wanna say: I am a sucker for your accent, I felt strongly attracted to you physically but I also liked your writing, your drawings, your sense of humor... you just saw life in a different way than I do.
Meeting you made me realize that I don't want someone that feels like it's there but it isn't, someone that would want not to be seen with me as often because of what people may think. I don't want someone that spends a lot of time in its own head, someone that really doesn't wanna be with me but somehow feels forced or acts on "not to be a bad person".
Meeting you made me angry, and I'm understanding why, I felt like you admired me but you didn't love me the way I wanted to, you didn't love me, period, and also you didn't let me help you, help you with what? To be less isolated, less in a bad mood, less having a bad time, but that was not for me to try and fix.
But what I realized the most, what made me upset & even resentful, was the fact that I felt I didn't put limits, that once again I spent too much time with someone that wasn't what I deserved (or more like it wasn't what I wanted?). That I somehow ended up having expectations of what you would mean to me and what I would mean to you. I knew you weren't thinking about me, writing about me, yet here I was choosing you. And all of this also tells me I should give myself a break for wanting to explore a different type of relationship, because this is my favorite way of learning, by trying it myself.
You are not a bad neither a good person, you're just a person, as I am too, that is living with whatever it's been learning through this 20 something years of existence and we happened to find each other on a rainy day.
P.S. I still keep the memories.
First thing I wanna say: I am a sucker for your accent, I felt strongly attracted to you physically but I also liked your writing, your drawings, your sense of humor... you just saw life in a different way than I do.
Meeting you made me realize that I don't want someone that feels like it's there but it isn't, someone that would want not to be seen with me as often because of what people may think. I don't want someone that spends a lot of time in its own head, someone that really doesn't wanna be with me but somehow feels forced or acts on "not to be a bad person".
Meeting you made me angry, and I'm understanding why, I felt like you admired me but you didn't love me the way I wanted to, you didn't love me, period, and also you didn't let me help you, help you with what? To be less isolated, less in a bad mood, less having a bad time, but that was not for me to try and fix.
But what I realized the most, what made me upset & even resentful, was the fact that I felt I didn't put limits, that once again I spent too much time with someone that wasn't what I deserved (or more like it wasn't what I wanted?). That I somehow ended up having expectations of what you would mean to me and what I would mean to you. I knew you weren't thinking about me, writing about me, yet here I was choosing you. And all of this also tells me I should give myself a break for wanting to explore a different type of relationship, because this is my favorite way of learning, by trying it myself.
You are not a bad neither a good person, you're just a person, as I am too, that is living with whatever it's been learning through this 20 something years of existence and we happened to find each other on a rainy day.
P.S. I still keep the memories.
