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Sep 2021
In my years labelled: "Not-A-Child"
though, barely 20 full cycles of the earth and sky.
Then, full of abandon, and unlearned consequential
Eager to prove my amplitude and unbreakable daring.
Incapable of any end I did not myself proscribe.
So foolish.  So innocently ignorant and short-sided, aye.
hand over hand my life was gambled,
never looking down, not a thought how increasingly far it was.
Only my next hand hold, the hardest route I could own
Eyes only on the summit, mind firmly lost to ego
Pulling my weight from an over-hang, as if nothing special
I stood on that precipice, laughing and moved proceed ever higher
when a simple bit of gravel, a few small pebbles proved
how foolish and childish my ways until that slip had been
one foot, my legs, my stomach next
elbows next, then the hit to my chin
all while my childish, desperate hands failed
finding no proof of my skill, only abrasions were earned
looking up to the point of my end
I thought of my mother first, then family, friends
I relived insignificant child memory moments
hearing my words in my own head:
What have I done?  Because of Me, they will hurt.
Because of this decision, I will cause them to mourn.
And I felt it just before my legs did...
That moment when, my youthful spirit was dead
and adult lessons, real life, or death consequences
as my ankle first, exploded result of 40 feet of free fall,
closely followed my wrist, my knee, part of my front tooth
and finally the sickening crunch of my right eye socket
that brought with it, black, deep nothingness
Jarring, scrapping my inner balance all directions
though no thought of this made any sense, as I must be dead.
but I found no light, no tunnel.  
No angelic form to welcome my spirit.
Opening my eyes I saw the new world as never before.
One eye at least, that is.  
But that lesson stuck.  And I realized how sweet
and incredibly fragile this thing called life is.
I became aware of the importance and responsibility being loved and loving really is.

That was how I grew up.  That was the moment I was no longer just "a kid".
Jack R Fehlmann
Written by
Jack R Fehlmann  44/M/Colorado
(44/M/Colorado)   
73
   Johnnyqu33r
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