This is for the swing set down by the lake
The holiday you ruined while I tried to keep you alive

This is for all the times you convinced me to stay on the phone
Knowing there was nothing I could do

This is for the mental health I lost
And the nights of sleep too

This is for sitting in the library clutching a stone To ground myself because I lost everything that made me who I was

This is for sitting in your stupid ******* car
Trying to fill the silence with anything other than sadness

This is for convincing me you cared about me
And not my therapy sessions

This is for ripping me apart from my friends
And playing dumb

This is for manipulating me into staying
Because you knew I wouldn’t leave a broken soul like you
Not when I could do good
Not when I could
                                   Fix you

This is for the sloppy kissing
For trusting you enough to fall asleep on you

This is for every other woman you’ve hurt
Because you will never ******* change

This is for being afraid to attend University
In fear of seeing you
And spiralling again

This is for still caring what you think about me
Despite what you did

This is for using me even now
And sending me a message after months of letting go

This is for the nights of tension with the person I love

This is for being able to listen to songs with new meaning
And the worried look on my parents face

This is for feeling like I’ll never be whole again
And convincing myself it’s my fault

This is for every time I sit in silence
And feel deafeningly alone

This is for convincing me without you
I was nothing

This is for psychological problems I will never fix
And scars and wounds that will stay with me for as long as I live

This is for my shaky hands
And my lungs that just can’t breath enough air

This is for being a coward in the ways that always mattered

This is for making me feel like I had a choice

For the cassettes, the recordings, the trinkets and gifts
The days we spent painting that stupid telephone

This is for looking at your playlists and searching for a trace of me
For being desperate to move on yet glued to the idea of you

This is for all the memories you left me with
And the hope you kept giving and taking

This is for the life you’ll live
And the people you’ll tell

This is for hurting me
And for me caring