a subtle brush-back of my hair, a glance there, a shy look-up and a soft smile as i read an intellectual book-
i adjust my blouse, absentmindedly stirring the iced coffee between my fingers decorated with polished acrylic nails-
as my eyes stray beyond the reading material-
they linger on the couple engaged in an embrace on the sidewalk with grinning faces.

my lips curled into a ghost of a frown, eyes dropping back down

my narration stops
my internal monologue begins
as i question for the hundredth time that day
what i was doing wrong
to not be in that place