TW:ED

As I stand there with the end of my toothbrush sitting on my lips
I think to myself,
“But if I just did it once no one would know”
And I could feel the satisfaction of an empty stomach;
The walls of it clinging to my ribs.
If I just did it once,
I could see if it works.
If it would allow me to look into the mirror
And not hate the girl who stares back at me.
Her stretch marks growing larger and darker
Though she doesn't know why,
Because she can barely bring herself to eat one meal a day.
What's stopping this fragile, broken girl from ending her pain,
And finally being happy
With who she sees in the mirror.
What's stopping her from finally being able to please her mother
Who groans and stares
When she goes back for a second plate of food.
What's stopping her from fitting the beauty standard,
And being loved and praised by all who see her.

But for some reason
Even eating practically nothing everyday
Does not change the girl she sees looking back at her;
Watching the numbers on the scale go up
As her happiness rapidly declines.
And seeing the look in her mothers eyes
As she wonders why you're eating everything
Yet nothing all at the same time.